Winter solstice and new moon - 2018

Finally, I got the first real day off in over a month.

I am reminded of the Zen Saying - LET GO, OR BE DRAGGED. 

I had to let go of everything this last month, including my attachment to the occult practices I care so much about.  And now it is time to let go of the attachment of the pain and misery of the last month and pick back up my occult practices.

First... I need to reconfigure and purify my living space, it's such a mess from neglect, the energies, the spirits, all in disarray. I must rekindle the fire of devotion and dedication in the hearth of my humble home, and make many offerings and sacrifices in the coming days to the spirits that guide and protect me.

Today is the first time in almost a month that the smoke of Sage has wafted through the house... and I was wondering why I found it so hard to relax and focus my intent... my home is a shambles, and so is my energy.  My beloved books of magick are strewn on the floor without reverence... my ritual tools on my alter are all displaced... the floor is dirty... the dog is feral from lack of regular quality time... My bird is speaking gibberish languages from all the time spent alone without anyone to talk to.

My focus is like a disco ball, and I find myself glaring at the self-defeating pile of ideas on my desk. I am a disorganized person, no doubt about it, but normally there is order to the chaos. This is just... ugh.

And my blog and social online activities have taken a hit.  A month ago I was riding a powerful wave of ascension, a new sorcerer on the scene, and I was making friends, getting constant contact from people looking for help in magick, and I even managed to make a handful of enemies along the way.  NEAT!  But now?  Bah... I feel like I'm starting over LOL. I haven't even made a blog post in almost a month. 

Thankfully I thought ahead and shot 5 videos on one of my last days off before the Xmas season so I would have something worth posting on social media to keep my online presence alive.

Still, I feel a strong disassociation from my magick, my spirits are there I can feel that much, but they have kept their distance from me this last month, it was almost impossible to focus on them or my true ambitions because my day job ran me ragged... It is a true test of ones ability to "Embrace the suck."

12 hours a day minimum, working outside in all weather doing heavy lifting, rain or shine, hot or cold... nasty rude customers... bitter moody co-workers... and I haven't had a single meal since Thanksgiving that wasn't interrupted several times by customers and work (we don't get scheduled breaks... we get "take em when you find em" breaks, and that means you can end up sitting for an hour, but not when it's conducive to eating or using the bathroom etc...).  It's a family business, and I'm the black sheep son in law, so I'm expected to put in 110% and still get treated like the spoiled son in law... 

So needless to say, my biology, my emotions, and my spirit is all out of whack. In short... My oh so important Holistic Mind-body soul connection is broken.

Add to all this, a very close member of my side of the family was recently told they have a very tenuous chance of surviving the year, given an outside chance of less than 20% that they will live 4 more years.  This person was at their worst state right in the middle of my busiest time at work... and I couldn't take off to deal with it.  Furthermore, this person is someone who I care about, but keep at arm's length for they are a very dangerous Narcissist and uncontrolled and unaware energy vampire, but they are family... and while I wish to be free of them... I still care.  Had I been a weaker person, I would have been destroyed by this person as a child... instead I am just a bit twisted and deformed, the king of the island of the misfit toys... the Alpha among the Omegas... the quintessential gamma male, loner... I do it MY way and fuck you all.  Follow me, walk beside me, or get the fuck out of the way.

When this person is gone, I will grieve, but I will also be relieved... In a way, that is the power this person has over me, that they have such a Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde nature to them, that I will dearly miss the Dr. Jeckyll of this person, but can't wait to see the Mr. Hyde dead and buried, and hope that aspect of their soul rots in torment forever, while the good in them is set free to explore the stars with eyes wide in wonder.

I can't know when their time will come, I only know it will be soon, possibly this year... And this weighs heavily on me as well.

Suffice to say... This solstice couldn't be more important to me.  I'm not really very tuned to astrology, but lunar phases are a big deal to me, and solar events are also important to me and my magick.  Full moons, new moons, waxing, Waning, Solstices, Equinoxes... These hold significance for me.  And this Friday (into Saturday)

Among other things (Jupiter mercury conjunction - wisdom and intellect! Ursid Meteor shower) as tomorrow is the winter solstice, and a full moon (technically Saturday at a little after noon) which is an interesting mix of energy... A time of true beginning, and the time of empowerment, completion, and culmination.

Essentially, it is a time to utterly shed the old, harvesting from it the fruits of labor and life to this point... being grateful for the manifestations of our will that have come to past, and empower them. and let it go and reinvent yourself... To cleanse and rebuild, and I'll be damned, synchronicity is at it again... for I am having the strong desire to clean and refocus my objectives.

I see this as a truly potent combination of real change and rebirth. Ending the old and starting the new.

When we walk in the path of the ancients when we often find our "mundane" lives in conflict with our "Spiritual" lives as I have this last month.  It wasn't a run of bad luck, high stress, or trauma. No, nothing really of the sort.  It was more of a grind and a time of heavy struggle... A test of discipline and mind over body.  The aches, the pains of lifting and carrying heavy weights 12 hours straight every day, the stiff legs from standing on hard stone.  The numbness and pain in the fingers from carpal tunnel going untreated and abused by excess ... the upset stomach from lack of restroom availability and interrupted meals.

As you can plainly see... My focus is not on the spiritual, it has been on the material, and as I said before, my holistic Mind Body Soul balance is utterly lost.

So tomorrow, tomorrow will be a big day for me I think... And it begins today.  Now if you will excuse me, I got a lot of crap to clean up.



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